


Vampire

by Morpheus626



Series: Lee's Rock/Queentober 2020 [30]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:08:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27277027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morpheus626/pseuds/Morpheus626
Summary: Randomly assigned band member for this fic: JohnTried to go for a mix of Monty Pythonesque humor and What We Do In The Shadows. Not sure how close I got, but hopefully it’s decent enough!Set in 1986.Synopsis: John’s woken up with fangs and a craving for blood. Not the best way for anyone to wake up in the morning, and rather odd, considering he didn’t go to bed that way. But how shall the lads figure out what’s happened to him, and how can they deal with it now?TW for mentions of blood (because vampires), and brief mentions of sexual activity towards the end.
Relationships: Brian May/Chrissie Mullen, Dominique Beyrand/Roger Taylor, Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury, John Deacon/Veronica Tetzlaff
Series: Lee's Rock/Queentober 2020 [30]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950265
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	Vampire

“A what?” 

“A vampire!” John stressed, pulling up his upper lip to show off the fangs. “Look!” 

“You don’t just become a vampire overnight,” Brian scoffed.

Roger nodded. “They bite you first, that’s how you get it.” 

“I know that!” John said. “But I don’t remember anything biting me, and yet here I am! I can’t eat or drink anything, I feel like death, and my teeth! How do you explain my teeth?!” 

“They don’t look bad on you, if it helps,” Freddie replied. “Dashing, honestly.” 

Roger and Brian nodded.

“I don’t care if they suit me!” John cried. “I can’t go home to Ronnie like this!” 

“Well, you left home like that, right?” Roger said. “So technically, you should be fine to go back.” 

“You’re missing the point!” John shouted. 

“No, you’ve got the points,” Roger joked. “Sorry, sorry, it was right there.” 

“Weird question,” Brian said. “Could...Ronnie...have been the one to bite you?” 

John was aghast. “Are you saying I’ve been married to her this long, and never noticed she was a vampire?!” 

“I mean, there’s lots of things they say spouses don’t notice about each other right away,” Freddie said. “Things you learn about each other as time goes on.” 

“But vampirism?” John sighed desperately. “You lot sound like you’ve lost it!” 

“Says the man who claims to have become a vampire overnight,” Roger smirked. 

It was over in a flash: John at Roger’s neck, then both of them on the floor, Roger woozily standing back up as soon as John was off him. 

“Ouch,” he hissed, and pulled up his upper lip to touch his teeth. “Deaky! You fucker! You can’t just go turning anyone who upsets you into a vampire!” 

“You can’t keep making fun of me for having turned into a vampire overnight!” John protested. 

“Both of you calm down,” Freddie said. “We can find a way to fix this-” 

“How?!” John shouted. “We’re fucked!” 

“I’m only fucked because you fucked me over just now!” Roger cried. 

“Both of you fucking stop it!” Freddie commanded, but they were both on him in a moment. 

As he struggled to his feet, he sighed, and winced as his fangs hit his lower lip. “You know, I’m already sensitive about my teeth. And you two just have to go and do this, there’s no other mature way to resolve an argument!” 

Brian gulped as the three of them turned to him. “Now, I’m fine playing with vampires. I know it’s never come up, but, oh god-” 

\---

At Garden Lodge, Jim was handing out tea cups filled with blood to Veronica, Dom, and Chrissie. 

“They’ll figure it out now,” Veronica moaned. “It was an accident! I was dreaming, and I didn’t mean to bite him! How have you all managed not to bite any of yours?” 

“I mean, I don’t really think about it,” Jim said. “It’s never come up, and I’ve never had the urge. I don’t even think he’s noticed that I don’t really eat the rare steaks he buys me, but...lap them up, if you will.” 

“Love can blind you to a lot,” Dom agreed, sipping from her cup. “Oh, this is fresh.” 

“Best I could do at this hour,” Jim smiled. “And best for all of you.” 

“You’re too sweet,” Chrissie said. “Dom’s right. I mean, how many years have I been making dinner for Brian, and he’s never noticed I don’t eat any of it myself?” 

“Same here,” Dom nodded. 

“But this is so different,” Veronica said. “I mean, we all got turned by total strangers on the street, not by anyone close or dear to us!” 

Her cup dropped to the carpet, and blood started to soak into it. 

“Well,” Freddie sighed. “I’m not going to drink it out of the carpet, but we shouldn’t let that go to waste.” 

They all turned to see the lads standing there, looking noticeably...deader, and it dawned. 

“Oh John, you didn’t,” Veronica groaned. 

“I didn’t really intend on it,” John said. “Things got a bit heated-” 

“It’s all of our faults, really,” Roger said. “No self-control on any of us.” 

“I got turned last by these three fuckers,” Brian said. “So I take no responsibility for this.” 

“You turned that dog on the way here,” Roger protested. 

“I was thirsty!” Brian scoffed. “You all got to drink me and each other up, and I didn’t kill it, technically! It’ll be fine...probably.” 

Dom nodded. “At least I don’t have to make such big dinners anymore. Just for the kids now, and that’s much easier.” 

“Good point,” Chrissie said. “I suppose this is rather good, in the end. Works out well enough.” 

“Do have to ask,” Roger said. “I thought this meant being...undead. And without being rude, you’ve all-” 

“Aged,” Freddie finished the sentence before Roger could stick his foot firmly in his mouth. “Quite well, but even so, do vampires usually...do that?” 

“There’s a lot of bullshit that flies around about us,” Jim said. “You can stop aging if you want to, but that’s a great way to get staked. Better to let your body age and accept that at least it won’t ever give out on you, no matter how it looks on the outside.” 

“I could keep performing as long as I want,” Freddie mused. “That’s not bad.” 

“See?” Chrissie said. “More upsides to this than you might think.” 

“It’s usually manageable,” Veronica said weakly. “S’long as you don’t accidentally bite your spouse in your sleep.” 

“I knew it,” Brian murmured. 

John gave her a gentle smile, and walked over to lean down and give her a hug. “No hard feelings. Could have been worse, right? Could have killed me completely, instead of turning me? I say that’s a good ending for it, if it has to happen.” 

“And we thought you two would be together forever anyway,” Roger smiled. “Now you really will be! Though I don’t know what gifts they assign for like...anniversary 120, or anything. Think you’ll have to make that sort of stuff up as you go.” 

“I can do that,” John said. “In fact, I’m looking forward to it.” 

“Come over, the rest of you,” Jim motioned to them. “I’ll get more cups out.” 

“I’ll help,” Freddie volunteered. “Since I have you...does Phoebe...” 

“Turned years ago as a kid by some school friend,” Jim said. 

“You’ve got to be kidding!” Freddie gasped. “Well what about...” 

Their conversation trailed off as they went into the kitchen, and everyone else settled in by their spouses.

“I couldn’t tell them it wasn’t exactly an accident,” Veronica whispered into John’s ear as he took the chair by her. “I mean, I didn’t mean to bite you like that! When you asked me to nibble your neck, I just got carried away, and-” 

“It’s really okay,” John whispered back. “If this should have to happen...I’m glad it was you that turned me. Not anyone else.” 

They slid into easy conversation with everyone else as Freddie and Jim returned with more to drink, and it was easily the most comfortable time they’d all had together. 

Even with the incessant barking of the dog outside, who chased its owner down the street, sharp fangs dripping with blood. 


End file.
